The D word!! Wow so much to talk about when it comes to divorce. Being divorced for the right reasons is not a sin, it is good because you were trying to right the wrong you have done. However, for some people divorce really hurts them when they were in love with their partner and they were the one who has chosen them without any interference from anyone, it was their own choice and decision. Divorcing someone you love is very hard because you are taking the decision to terminate your relationship with them for life. You will surely pass through the phases of grief but not all of them you might skip a phase or two or maybe you will be stuck in one phase for too long.
Divorce phases of grief.
Denying your feelings
They will deny and deny that they ever loved their ex, they will give some wired explanations about why they have chosen this person in the first place, for instance, I thought I was in love but I didn’t love them at all, seriously?? So all that time you were together before you got married and during your marriage was just an illusion you were playing on yourself?? Step up and admit it to get over this phase, you did love them of course, otherwise, you were just a naive and playful person. Of course, you loved them and you wanted to build a family with them that is why you chose them from all the many people around you to be your spouses with all their bad and good habits. Please take care from this phase and try to overcome it by admitting your real feelings, do not try to give yourself and others pardons to ease the pain of loss or to make people believe that you were not in love, you got to feel the pain and ask yourself why you got divorced in the first place, because if you think about those reasons you will surely move on and you will never think about this person again. To elaborate, people who say that you only love once are deeply troubled with all due respect to anyone who believes that, what if we loved a bad person will we continue our relationship with them knowing there is no way they will be better? Or will we bury ourselves after leaving them because we believe the saying that we only love once?? No!! We can love again and again, love is a free feeling you do not have certain number of love attempts and then you are done with your heart, it is not mathematics it is emotions, and once you realize that you will pass this phase.
In this phase and after overcoming your denial you will feel angry at yourself and at your ex’s, you might have depression, anger episodes and you might be short tempered, and that is because you are blaming yourself of what had happened as how you got yourself into all of that in the first place, how you didn’t choose wisely and save yourself from all that trouble you are going through. however, some say that if you are angry at the person you left then you still have feelings for them, I see this is not true at all, how come you want someone not to feel the anger after being betrayed or hurt from someone they gave all their life to, we are not computers when we trash the viruses out of our system then we will be perfectly fine, we are humans with emotions, and if we got hurt it takes sometime for us to be healed completely .
Wise and high self-esteem people skip this third phase once they overcome the first one. Believe it or not, some people try to get back with their ex’s, I personally do not know why, how come after taking this huge decision they want to return to point zero. People who do this are either troubled with no self-respect or they were wrong about their partner in the first place and regrets their decision.
This phase is the best one, at this point, you will throw everything behind you and you will stop blaming yourself and others, you will actually laugh about how much you were in pain and how come you did not realize that you have saved yourself from a relationship that was about to destroy you. However, you will still feel some negative thoughts about the bad decision you made of marrying this person in the first place, but you will learn to accept that pain and learn from your mistake and by the time you will completely forget about everything.